A letter from the stripes

So 1) be sure to read Well Done ramble below this one.

Dear John,
I am your Fender stripe-i-fied guitar. I did look great as I was & then you came along & just stripped me down to bare nothing. I knew not why you were doing that. What did I ever do to deserve such treatment? I've looked good in my blue all these years. I've sounded well. I stayed in tune for you. I stood by silently watching you play your other guitars wondering why you wouldn't play me too.

I've had to endure the coats of sealer & more sanding. Boy that was sure a lot of fun. Really appreciated that. Thanks a lot...sheez. I've never felt so embarassed when you just hung me out in the open air all exposed like that & with you taking pictures of me. What are you some kind of perverted freak? Oh I know it's guitars gone wild isn't it? Well I'll strike the pose for you buddy. You like that? How about this? Lemme show you my killer backside cause baby I got back!

I was relieved to be coated with primer & white. But I lost my identity in that I had no idea what you were going to do with me. Why couldn't you just let me stay as I was in my great blue? Then you stuck all that sticky stuff all over me. I wondered what the heck are you trying to do to me? Let me tape you bucko so you can see how it feels. So I'm there in my white underwear with tape all over me. Great! What am I a model for underwear & tape or something.

Next thing I know I'm being covered with red spooge. Great now I have red spots all over me. Can I just be blue again please?! Leave me alone already! So once again I hang there in my taped up underwear looking like I have the measles or something. And then more red spooge comes at me. Did I ever tell you all these things you've put on my really stink & smell. I bet you I'll be damaged in some way for having to sniff all this stuff. When this is all over I'm calling my lawyer. I never consented to this. Why am I...uh....white...wait a minute, now I'm red all over. What the? You actually clothed me in red. Cool. But...hmmm....I still have all this tape all over me from your freakazoidal photo shoot & strange fantasies of guitars in bondage gone wild. Well at least I'm covered up now. How nice of you to care so much that after days of just hanging out & around you decide to cover me up. Thanks for thinking of me. Don't let me swinging about in the breeze hit you on the way back in. I hope this hook you have me stuck to breaks & I fall on your head & I knock you out or at least bring you to your senses. You must dislike me immensely or something to do this to me. Why don't you just smash me up instead? Get me down from here!

Hey! Ouch! What are you doing! That hurts. Oh, great, now you think of taking the tape off. What took you so long to realize that it was on there? Well I sure hope you get the tape off of me quick & I hope you get all tangled up in it. Ha! That would be a laff. Dang that hurts though. Ouch! Can't you be more gentle? What'd you have to put the tape on in the first place? It burns! It burns! Get it off me now! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww! (time passes)

Finally! Man, lemme put that tape on your hairy arms & then yank hard & see how good that feels to you. Oh great, you're just going to leave me hanging here with my unfinished red and whaaaaat!? Stripes? What the? How'd that... Hey wait a minute, I'm red with crazy white stripes! Check me out world! Take that you dumb Ibanez that gets played more than me. I'm stripe-i-fied & look at you just sitting there in your plain dull Jewel blue. Man, this suit makes me look good. Hey! Ouch! That really hurts! Oh, so now you're going to cut me up with that blade huh. What kind of sicko freak are you anyway? You make me look cool & then you start scraping me up. What gives? Can I have some anesthesia please? Or at least a couple of shots of Jack Daniels. I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding! Someone call 9-1-1! Oh wait, it's dried stuff. Heh, heh, I guess I bled already. Oh so now you think you're this great doctor & surgeon & you're going to just fix up all these red marks. You just watch it bucko! You so much as poke me with that thing I'll....OUCH! Dang-narn-it! That hurts! Be careful. You don't know what you're doing do you? Let me take that dry sharp blade to your stuble on yer face & see how that goes for you. (More time passes)

Well gee thanks for that acupuncture torture that I never wanted or asked for. I bet you've really messed me up now. See that stripe there...huh? Where'd that dry red stuff go? I'm still red. I still have white stripes. And I look better than before the acupuncture carnage. Whoa dude, thaz kinda cool. But you need to cool it with that blade thing. Am I done yet? Can I please be done now? Can you just put me back together now? Wait, let me guess, there's more. Why else would I just be hanging around still?

Oh joy, more sticky tape. Aren't I good enough for you? Haven't I had enough. You always want more from me. You always want me to be someone I'm not able to be. I'm red & white. That's who I am now. At least I know that much. I at least have some dignity left. What the? Hack hack cough cough choke choke. What gives now! Now your spooging me with black. You need to figure yourself out ma'an. First I'm naked. Then I'm in my white underwear. Then I'm red & white. Now you want me to be black. Make up your crazy mind you fool. I don't know who or what you want me to be. Stop! Enough! Aren't I good enough for you the way I am? Why are you always trying to change me? Why don't you change yourself first? Spray yourself with paint & leave me be.

Blast ye my new found foe. Why dost though yank upon the tape upon my being yet again by taking off that tape. First I'm in bondage. Then I'm not. Then I am again. Now I'm not again. Can't you make up your mind? You know I'm just going to end up with bruises from such rough treatment. This is abuse! You need some serious help bud. See I'm black and blu....black stripes? I'm still red with white stripes & now black stripes. Whoa did you see that Ibanez? Ha! Beat that! You know, it's better to look good than to feel good. Dude! I be looking crazy insane. Now am I done? Please tell me I'm done. Dude? Dooood! Where'd ya go! Come on, don't just leave me hanging here! Yo! Freakinator! I've given you all that I can. What more do you want from me?! Oh the humanity! You dress me up & then you leave me high & dry. Yo barkeeper? Martini, shaken not stirred! Someone! Anyone! Bueller? Bueller? Anyone! HELP ME! I'm hungry! Can anyone give me some burned up brown burgers that were burnt all over town?

- Stripey

(And the story pauses there. What will happen next? Why is stripey still hanging there? Will there be more tape? Will there be more scraping with the blade? Will the striped crazy one get free? Will someone come to help him. Stay tuned to this same stripey channel at the same stripey time in the nearly insane future.)

Author's note:
And now for something completely different. Any similarities between this story and any persons, entities, or groups, is entirely coincidental. No animals were hurt during this writing. Do not try any of the stunts portrayed in this journey as they are performed by specially trained crazy incompetent fools who don't know what they are doing. This story is based upon actual events in the life of a Fender guitar but some events were modified at the author's creative discrection. The guitar was not harmed in the writing of this story. The guitar still needs some minor touch ups due to many factors beyond the painter's control, peeling paint under tape here & there & gravity being a couple of those factors. The guitar apparently made an attempt to get away from it's hanging place last night in the dark but instead just fell to the carpet & received a couple of minor fixable dents from obstructions during the brief travel. The incident was investigated & it was determined that darkness combined with a female person stepping the wrong way in the dark caused a disturbance in gravity thereby causing the guitar to have a short trip during the fall. The aforementioned female was not injured. The guitar threatened to sue the author for hanging him so carelessly on a top heavy clothing drying apparatus but negotiations between guitar & author created a simple repair plan. The guitar deemed that it was in his best interest to be completed instead of getting tied up for months in legal processes. Guitar does demand being completed as soon as possible however with no more mistakes during the touch up processes that have held up progress. Author was placed under surveillance two nights ago after threatening to give up & burn guitar due to guitar maliciously & purposely shedding paint in various locations. Author has since learned to go slowly & be more calm & is learning to make peace with the ensuing issues. Guitar is not available for comment. Please direct all inquiries to the crazy insane author who doesn't know what he's doing at times & writes very long rambles.

Until later comes, turn it up to Get On With It